Category: complaints

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well vodka, light on the bread.

It would be a complete disservice to those in the greater Seacoast NH area if I didn’t write about my dining experience last night.

It was bad.

Really bad.

In the off-chance you were craving a change of scenery for a dinner spot, I would strongly I encourage you not to make that modification with an establishment called Spaghetti Stain.

The time was 7:50 pm

(play the below video before you move on)

Brad and I were in Dover, waiting for his son Gunnar to finish his responsibilities at a school function. I had heard there might be some cute new places, so we took the grand tour of Dover and looked around. Nothing seemed different, so we walked over to Blue Latitudes. I love this restaurant for the food and because whenever Courtney is in town, it’s where we meet. Apparently, UNH graduation is this weekend, so tables were not happening for an hour. Ugh. I hate waiting. We left and decided to walk around. Side note: If I had my family in town for graduation, I would have taken them to Portsmouth. That’s just me, but then again I didn’t attend UNH. I digress.

The name should have told me to stay away. Spaghetti Stain. I wonder how many bottles of wine were involved in that decision? They had to be wasted when they signed the paperwork agreeing to it. Maybe a lost bet? Regardless, the name sucks. In fact, we tried to go to a couple other places BEFORE going back. It appeared our only option.

i saw no spaghetti.
i saw no spaghetti.

RED FLAG #1. This was the only place without a line. Nice setting. Clean pretty decor. Open room. Cool. This might work.

RED FLAG #2. Upon entering, I’m not joking, the waitresses had a fearful look on their faces. They motioned us to one of those side bars that isn’t on the bar, but against the wall, taking away any chance at leg room. Most people this would bother, but Brad and I actually enjoy sitting close, so it was okay.

comfy.
comfy.

At this point I watched an interaction where one waitress looked at us and walked away. Another looked and then looked down. Then a third said (I could see her mouth) “have they been given menus?” This went on for a couple of minutes before one of them drew the short straw and walked over.

RED FLAG #3. Upon giving us menus, the waitress opened dialogue with a hand-written note, crumbled from her pocket. On this note was a list of everything we could not order. Let me see if I can remember funny parts from it: “We don’t have the shrimp that goes in the basket, but we do have the shrimp that goes in the [entree].” I don’t get it. So you have shrimp, but these particular ones were not allowed in a basket…or are you telling me that the frozen shrimp you deep fry is unavailable and you won’t use the fresh (or frozen and just not prebreaded) version? Keep in mind I am allergic to shrimp, this interior monologue was for entertainment only. My favorite thing they were out of was blue cheese dressing. I hate blue cheese dressing, but if everything you have is store-bought anyway, can’t you run down to the grocery store? I don’t get it. Brad and I had smiles on our faces at this point, but we simply ordered our drinks and excused the waitress. The list was very long, needless to say. Apparently they were rearranging their menu– on a Friday night.

RED FLAG #4. 20 minutes later we got our drinks (for mere amusement, we actually starting timing everything with my watch). I’m not joking or exaggerating. This was another instance where I watched the waitresses across the bar do the “have they got their…” routine. Fantastic. OH and we got “well” vodka. Awesome. I said to Brad, “prepare to have a hangover tomorrow.”

RED FLAG #5. When we finally were given our drinks, as the waitress was about to drop them and run, I gave a “we’d like to order now.” The look on her face was priceless. In fact, trying to describe it with words wouldn’t do it justice, but I can tell you what she said: “You do realize that it will take a LONG time for you to get your food, right?” I asked how long. She replied, “Well. 30 minutes.” We had until 9:30, and we were enjoying each other’s company, so we ordered and took a chance. The waitress actually sighed and gave a worrisome “okay” before walking away.

RED FLAG #6. The bread. This might be my favorite part. As I was looking around, I noticed that tables all had bread on them. I flagged the waitress down and asked if we could have some too. “I was just going to ask you that question” was her response. I was actually thinking things might pick up. I excused myself to the lavatory only to come back and find Brad eating a piece of bread. I looked in the basked and saw two more, very small, pieces. “Is that you second piece?” “Nope, they brought three pieces.” “They brought three pieces for two people?” “Yep.” Three pieces and a ramekin filled with butter. Interesting. We both smiled as we split the third piece to share.

RED FLAG #7. The waitress walked over to see if we wanted another drink. I asked about the food. “Well, we were really busy tonight with that ONE table in the back.” I paused. One table. In my SWEETEST voice (if you know me you can hear me saying this) “But it’s a restaurant. And. Well. It’s dinnertime.” She just looked at me. Brad was so funny, watching and being patient, while I know he was thankful I spoke up. Brad did say at this point, “but the tables have cleared, there should be no problem now getting our food.” She then went on to tell us she would check on it. Brad has a way of saying what should have been said, after the person it should have been said to walks away. Trust me, it’s better that way. I watched them make our drinks, run out of well vodka, and switch to Absolut mid pour.

Side note: I realize at this point you might think we are being annoying or troublesome, or high maintenance, but there were about 6 groups of people around us in the same situation. We just spoke up. A man behind us, who we were watching, had a face that got redder by the moment. We actually thought his head was going to explode he looked so angry.

The woman walked back to us to say it would be 15 more minutes. We had had enough. We politely asked for the check and decided anything would be better than this. As it was, we only had 20 minutes before we had to pick up Gunnar from school. I’m beyond starving at this point.

The bill? $45. 9:10 pm

As we stood to leave, Brad walked over to the red-faced man’s table. “I guess this is where you come when you are on a diet!” The man responded, “we thought you were relatives or something with the service you were getting.” Apparently, he was sitting at the bar for 45 minutes and was completely ignored. He moved to a table and was waiting another hour- and they STILL had not taken his order. The table behind red-face sat a family. A girl shouted out “It took us 2 hours!” Unbelievable.

It might seem crass to openly express the horrible service, in the place where the horrible service is being provided, but it seemed to unit us as people, which is always fun. Agreeing on a complaint, or a good “USA! USA!” cheer always brings people together.

And for that, we thank you. -Tosh.0

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a little trick for an amazing treat.

I understand the title of this post would be better fit around October, but I was thinking about something this morning and it sparked my brain into motion: compartmentalizing.  What does that have to do with tricks and treats?  I’ll explain, ramble on a bit, and then I will provide a really good recipe.

I have always been a “the more the merrier” type of girl.  I am always the first to extend the invite to the quiet girl or boy in the back of the room to the party, as I truly believe that mixing different types of people could make for an interesting adventure- and that everyone deserves an invitation.   I’m not going to quote Rodney King, but you know what I am saying.

I have never had an issue combining high school, college, work colleagues and random friends I make along the way in the same room.  I had always thought this was the way everyone thought until a few years ago.  I learned that people are placed into “compartments” within ones mind of how they are associated.  Apparently, this idea of compartmentalizing is more common than I would have ever imagined.  How is that fun?  If you get along with each person in your “network,” then wouldn’t the people at least have one thing in common?  I’m not talking about forcing friendships, I just think it’s good to keep an open mind.  I asked one of my friends who practices this method and she  explained to me that “certain people know certain things, and others know other things. So, I keep them separate. It’s less messy.”  Side thought: her closet is much more organized than mine, so maybe she has a point.  Is it better to keep work at work and home at home? Who would come to the BBQ? Is it possible to be too friendly and open? What if people feel left out? 

seems more complicated than organized. lots of lives to keep straight!
seems more complicated than organized. lots of lives to keep straight!

The same thing could be said for baking that I said above:  Mixing fun and different things like cayenne pepper, butterscotch chips, peanut butter, or cinnamon into a brownie batter adds a little spice, texture or intrigue to what would normally be a typical boring baked good.  The beauty of my recipes is that I actually use box batter for the majority of my treats- I just doctor them so far from the original recipe that, aside from the powder, it isn’t at ALL what the box intended.  End result: seconds, thirds, and sadness when you realize they are all gone.

Okay, I got that out.  Now for the treat I promised.

Lately, Brad and Gunnar have been devouring my homemade ice cream sandwiches.  It’s simple, easy and quick.  Enjoy.

  • First, at your grocery store, purchase a bag of Betty Crocker Cookie Mix.  I like these.
  • The recipe calls for one egg and one stick of butter.  You could sub the butter with coconut oil, which is actually amazing for your body- and tastes great!  I bought some last night and I was not disappointed.
  • I always add 1-2 tsp of vanilla extra extra and 5-10 dashes of cinnamon for a little kick.
  • Put into 1″ balls about 2 inches apart on a lightly greased (with the coconut oil) baking sheet.  Bake for 11 minutes on 350′.  Remove from rack and let cool completely.
  • Pick your filler (gelato, sorbet, Ben & Jerry’s, etc).
  • After the cookies are cooled, scoop an appropriate portion of filler between two cookies. (to keep them neat, I always wrap each sandwich immediately in tin foil and put in freezer)
  • Wait.

    combination can be a fantastic thing
    “it’s quite nice to see that I didn’t have to change who I was to reach two very different types of people.”      -marc jacobs.

I’m going to bet that if my friend ate one of these bad boys she might agree that not all mixing is a bad thing.

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the year to date.

It’s been quite a busy year thus far- and it doesn’t show signs of slowing down any time soon.  I’m not complaining.  It’s been wonderful, but have you ever taken a step outside your self and realized you are spreading yourself too thin?  I did that just now.

i wish.
i wish.

 

 

So, if you have read any of my blog posts before this, you’ll know I am in a healthy adult relationship with an amazing man.  He works too much and too hard, but I have never respected someone for such an amazing work ethic- and that isn’t even his best quality.  What’s also great is he is actually doing what he says he is doing…which has caused me to TRUST someone for the first time (applause).  It’s fantastic and does wonders for your stress levels.

Relationship aside, I am in grad school for my masters.  This would be fine if it weren’t for the 3 hour class every Wednesday after a full day of working 72 miles from where I live.  I know that the end result will be worth it- but for now I am going to be a little grouchy at this self-inflicted commitment.

I am the marketing chair for Catapult Seacoast– a networking group for young professionals in NH/ME/MA.  This requires many emails, meetings and the added energy to get a bunch of people motivated.  I would be lying if I wasn’t honest with the fact that our events seem to be without purpose (aside from alcohol and networking banter), but the team is working hard to change this- and I am here for the ride- and leading my part best I can.  We’ll see.  I’m moderately hopeful.

My boyfriend’s son is a freshman at my alma mater, St. Thomas Aquinas.  It’s really cool because most of the teachers from my time are still teaching there- and I’m fortunate they remember me and my “one hit wonder” musical, Guys and Dolls (I played Adelaide).   It’s exciting to be an adult and get to mingle with people who probably put you in detention every single day of high school (hey, I cannot help it if they do not make skirts that go to my knees!  I am 5’9!).  However- I refuse to call Mr. Collins, Kevin, or Mr. Holtz, Ron.  Sorry, not going to happen. That being said, I have joined the “parent” committee!  I even made the Facebook page! So far, I helped plan a parent social and am currently on the board for the upcoming fashion show.  It’s exciting, but I would be lying if the looks I get when I walk into a meeting form the other “moms” didn’t bother me.  Hey- I may not be officially a mom, but this is my school…back off.  :)  Besides, I am a VOLUNTEER!  The coordinator, Sarah, makes it fun to be a part of it all- she’s awesome.  I have got in the habit of calling her on my ride to work to vent.  Sometimes she does the same- so all in all a friendship was formed, which is nice.

alas, the one hit wonder- me.
alas, the one hit wonder- me.

The house we live in is a 250 year old colonial.  I will not tell you how much money we have spent on heating this house- and I will not tell you how many times the oil thingy (technical term) has broken, but as of last night it is fixed.  Sigh.  I hope it is fixed.  This house drives me nuts.  The warm water is so temperamental I have not successfully taken ONE bath since we moved in (MY FAVORITE THING), and if you use the water downstairs in the morning while someone is in the shower, the water immediately goes to downstairs and you’re left with ice.  The fireplace, while romantic and very aesthetically pleasing, only seems to heat 1′ of space in front of it.  So if you want to get warm while the oil thingy isn’t working- you have to sit your ass directly in front of the fire- causing you to smell exactly like you think you would smell sitting in a fire pit.  The pipes freeze and break.  The cabinets don’t close.  Not one window was properly installed, so there is a constant breeze.  There is a train.  OMG I can’t believe that isn’t the first thing I mentioned.  The train.  This train has a wonderful schedule that goes all night long.  It shakes the house so much that when we had a mild earthquake- it had nothing on the train.  Did I mention I am a light sleeper?  We are moving to a nice, big 3 BR house on April 1st in York, Maine.  Needless to say, April cannot come soon enough for us!

Of all the tasks my schedule is filled with, of all the commitments I say “yes” to on a daily basis- it’s the phone call I just received that makes it all seem like white noise.  Nothing could possibly bother me when I hear his voice.

In case your curious: I’m picking up vegetables on the way home for dinner- and he loves me.  🙂

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a funny observation.

Often times when I work out, I find that I am able to run longer distances if I don’t know how far I have run already.  My farthest, non-stop, is 4.04 miles (this is an amazing feat coming from a former sprinter).  One of the tricks I use is to block the screens with a magazine.  Typically I can’t find any new ones, and I have to deal with the ratty old ones I have read 10 times.  Today I got lucky!  While on the treadmill at the gym, I was reading the most recent People magazine. It is dated for November 5, 2012- even though the topic of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel’s wedding is basically old.

oh joy.

I wrote a post earlier about peculiar ad placements. I believe I have come across another and I wanted to share. In the midst of the wedding album, I see this:

It scares other bacon to bits. No, really.

While I appreciate the planner’s vision of a highly trafficked section of the magazine’s cover story, it just struck me as a silly place for bacon.  Who knows, maybe it was on the evening’s menu?

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Evolution of a Branding Landscape

I originally wrote this article for my company GY&K. Enjoy and learn something!

How to be smart about your media placement.

If you’ve ever seen the episode of Mad Men when Joan is asked to step in as a media planner and read through scripts in order to relay where relevant content advertisers should be placing their broadcast spots, then you can understand how much time, energy and effort goes into media planning. If not, then I will just tell you bluntly: it takes a lot of time, energy and effort to be an efficient and successful media planner.

The landscape of media options has grown from the basics- print, radio, TV, and out-of-home, to include today’s digital universe, along with every other platform people will create in order to land a buck. It’s imperative that your agency’s media team not only have experience, but take the extra steps necessary to understand the placement. Do you really want your Wendy’s commercials airing during a PETA special? We didn’t think so.

Recently, I have noticed a trend in “mindless” placement that got my wheels spinning:

Sonic commercials flood primetime in NH programming. I have not seen a Sonic since I left college in Columbia, SC. In fact, when I walked around the office and asked colleagues, not one person could tell me where one was located. Notice on the map below that not one of those locations is actually in the state. Seems like an awkward media placement.

Next, there is a huge story out about a man whose sister was killed in a car accident, causing Progressive Insurance to refuse to settle her estate and defend the other driver (who was cited at fault by the judge), when it was the sister who carried the insurance policy with the insurer. It bashes Progressive to the core, and the article states that social media is defaming the mascot “Flo.” Horrible and tragic story, yet someone thought it was a good idea to place a Progressive Leaderboard on top of the page? Seems like someone should have put a little more thought into that one…

Note to reader: I was also going to cite the example about the “Animal Practice” commercial that was aired directly following Olympic gymnast Gabby Douglas’ historic gold medal win, but my colleagues felt it was a little risque. At least they caught their flaw and apologized publicly.

Last example: Comcast Spotlight is a revolution for the local mom and pop advertiser with a limited budget. It allows you to pick and choose areas of the state where your ad will be shown, limiting the reach to a concentrated area and lessening the investment. It is this extreme geo-targeted detailing that made me laugh when a “Click-it or ticket” ad was shown a few Sundays ago in my Exeter, NH living room. Note to reader: NH does not have a mandatory seat-belt law for adults.

I asked our VP of Integrated Media, Shana Malik, to shed some light on the topic at hand and what GY&K does differently. Shana is a 15 year veteran of Madison Avenue, who recently moved to the Granite State to join our team.

“A media department should rely on an evolving suite of tools for in-depth research, tracking and measurement that help guide the overall strategic approach and media plan development,” she said. “Some key factors include the audience alignment, reach, targeting capabilities, and cost efficiencies. While the examples you mention might be benefiting from a lower placement cost through bidding or bundling, they clearly are not aligning content properly to reach their intended audience.”

So what’s your plan? How are you ensuring that your media dollars are being spent with intelligence and insight?

 

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road rage.

Ahhh. Silly little girl and your cheesy hot pink Myrtle Beach sticker. Although, I am not shocked that is your preferred vacation spot, I will refrain from citing the poor white trash (PWT) connection. Oops…guess I mentioned it after all. My bad.

friends of yours?

Here is my shout out to the amazing driver in the cream colored Altima (license plate # NH 292 2074) that felt it was necessary to cut me off, flip me off, then proceed to have a fun time speeding up next to me in order to cut me off again and then drive slow in front of me- then flip her cigarette at my car! Was that really necessary? Funny- she seemed to slow down and drive normal when she saw me pull my iPhone out to snap a picture of her car/licence plate.

here you go, sweetie.

Silly gal didn’t realize who she was messing with: I don’t have road rage, but I am online. All. Day. Long. My advice to all driver is if you encounter any legal issues, including road rage incidents, reaching out to a personal injury lawyer can help. Injured in Stuart, FL? The personal injury lawyers from Kogan & DiSalvo law firm can help. Injured in Newport Beach? Call the personal injury lawyer from Johnson Attorneys Group.

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pet peeves.

It has come to my attention that I get irritated by things most people don’t notice. I decided to get it out on “paper” to see if anyone agrees, or can add to it. The following list are some of my pet peeves. I’ll only do 10:

1. Incorrect usage of ellipsis. I receive more emails, texts and messages that will read “okay…” or something of that nature with the damn ellipsis. If there is more to add, just say it, if not- just use a damn period! Here is a little definition for those of you who abuse those three most annoying little dots:

Ellipsis (plural ellipses; from the Ancient Greek: ἔλλειψις, élleipsis, “omission” or “falling short“) is a series of marks that usually indicate an intentional omission of a word, sentence or whole section from the original text being quoted. An ellipsis can also be used to indicate an unfinished thought or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence (aposiopesis), example: “But I thought he was . . .” When placed at the beginning or end of a sentence, the ellipsis can also inspire a feeling of melancholy or longing. The ellipsis calls for a slight pause in speech or any other form of text, but it is incorrect to use ellipses solely to indicate a pause in speech.

yes, please.

2. Open cabinet doors. I have no idea why this bothers the shit out of me, but it does. Maybe I have hit my head too many times on the open cabinet door above me- but on sight my skin crawls.

3. People who forget to say those simple words we learned as toddlers, “please” and “thank you.” To omit them from human vernacular is rude. A friend of mine once dated a girl who REFUSED to say “thank you.” At first, we thought she didn’t mean it- she’s just aloof and doesn’t realize it. Then it became a game to see if we could force her to say it. Nothing worked. I believe after their separation, a libation-induced text message was sent in an effort to make her aware. Outcome: her sense of entitlement was SO grandiose, that she didn’t have a clue what he was talking about because “why should she say thank you? she deserved it all.” Okay then, princess.

4. Uncomfortable sleeping conditions. Hey- I am the first to admit I am MILDLY unreasonable when it comes to this item. But fact of the matter is- I love my sleep. I think it stems from having mono all of high school and the beginning of college. I’m talking the basics here: clean sheets, fluffy pillows, enough blankets so that if I get cold I am in a cocoon- but I can take them off if I get hot. I am a light sleeper, so I need it DARK. I could go on and on with this one, but I’m gonna stop because I can feel my blood pressure boiling up even THINKING about it. haha.

sweet dreams? I wish.

5. People who break promises. Enough said.

6. People who lie.

7. People who treat others poorly, are inconsiderate, or judge others based on first impressions. (I kinda cheated on that one and shmushed three into one)

I asked my friend Maureen (pictured below) what her pet peeves are and she replied the following:

“My pet peeves? I strongly dislike it when people always have to be the hero. Come into a situation and heroically solve a problem or dramatically help out to be the center of attention and have everyone thank them just so they can feel good.”

look at that face. would you want to upset him?

8. The fact that I take everything personally. I HATE this quality about myself. It actually drives me insane. So, if you are a friend of mine and I take something personally and it irritates you- it irritates me more.

9. PEOPLE WHO TYPE IN ALL CAPS. DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU APPEAR TO BE YELLING AT ME? THIS ONE ESPECIALLY ANNOYS MY BOYFRIEND. NOW THAT I AM DOING IT, IT’S ACTUALLY KINDA FUNNY, BUT I KNOW ITS NOT FUNNY WHEN THAT IS HOW YOU RECEIVE EVERY POSSIBLE MESSAGE FROM SOMEONE.

10. When someone is in a back and forth communication and they leave you hanging at the most sensitive point in the conversation. I realize that your boss just walked in the room, your child is screaming, your oven is on fire or the dog is trying to go outside, but do you really find it necessary to leave me hanging for 3 hours when I ask if you think I am retarded/shallow/a bitch?

I shall conclude with a more “upbeat” tone. Regardless if I have these peeves in my mind, currently I have never been happier in my life. I’m in love, have a great job that I LOVE (including all colleagues) and its the start of summer. Life is pretty freaking great right now, I must say…

serendipity.
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this would only happen to me.

OK so this just happened:

Please note everything is accurate and if anything I am leaving out just how truly awkward this situation was for me.

I went to get a smoothie across the street. As I walked in some girl yells “you’re the first one!” I was like…? “I’m your first customer?” Everyone started laughing like there was some joke I was not privy to. SO, then I just openly asked people if the parking attendants cared which meter you paid at…to which I got a seriously strange reaction and looks from everyone in the room. I just chalked it up to being too friendly, and went on to my business of picking out a smoothie.

Keep in mind the whole time, everyone is staring at me so I got REALLY awkward myself and nervous.

I guess it was a signing of some Patriot, Kyle Arrington, (who was shorter than I am so how the heck was I supposed to know he lead the league in interceptions?? He looked like he worked there!) signing and doing pictures.

I am sorry we were not properly introduced, but I have no clue who you are. Thanks to Google, though, I am now informed.

His “agent” guy comes over and is like “would you like an autograph and a picture?? It’s free!” I said “Um no thanks.” The agent and football player guy looked like they were seriously offended. It was so awkward as I was the only one in the store and didn’t know what I wanted to order.

Side note: You should have seen the “agent” too. He was an overly-styled-hair guy who looked like he was going to the club…in a 200 sq ft smoothie place located in the basement of a brownstone. Also, none of them even bothered to answer my parking meter concerns. Callous bastards.

The owner suggested something I might like- I said OK..and paid (at this point I would have purchased anything so long as I could leave). Then they were standing around “you sure you don’t want an autograph for a family member?” I was like, “No, I’m OK.” Them: “Are you a Patriots fan??” (At this point I’m scared, seriously) “Sure, I guess I am.”

So I pay and go to walk out- as the mascot who had just put their outfit on (with a huge foam head) doesn’t see me standing there and slams me into the wall.

nice foam head, jackass.

I RAN. I really just wanted my smoothie.

THIS JUST HAPPENED.

scene of the crime.
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the art of bragging.

Adj. 1.

bragging

exhibiting self-importance; “big talk”

boastful, braggart, braggy, cock-a-hoop, crowing, self-aggrandising, self-aggrandizing, big
proud – feeling self-respect or pleasure in something by which you measure your self-worth; or being a reason for pride; “proud parents”; “proud of his accomplishments”; “a proud moment”; “proud to serve his country”; “a proud name”; “proud princes”

We all know the people in our lives who fit this description. The ones who must let you know that no matter what you have done, are doing or own- they have done, can do and own it bigger and better than you.

“How great that you got a gold watch for your 10 year anniversary at your job…have you seen my Rolex?”

You know who they are.

Yes, we know no one is as rich and amazing as you.

I’m not talking about being exciting for something excellent happening in ones life (I’m excited for you too!), I’m talking about the serial braggers..the ones who do with every word in their vernacular.

The funny thing about braggers is that they don’t realize how transparent their words are to the rest of the world. Their insecurities are so BOLD and obvious they might as well have a neon sign around their neck. I’m not writing about anything recently, mind you, I’m just remembering fondly all the laughs I have had on behalf of the braggers in my life. There is the family member or boss who will click their car alarm- just so you will be drawn to their new car. Then there’s the name-brand-freak-friend who will comment on everything- just so that the conversation points back to the fact that “they don’t know because they only wear X brand or dine at X restaurant” (fill in the X with any designer clothing or fancy establishment label you like). I have some people in my life that will only contact me if there is something completely random and unnecessary to brag about, and then end the conversation before I even have time to comment on; how many designer bags or pieces of jewelry they own, accomplishments of family members, money they (or their spouse) make(s), parties they attended, trips they took, etc. The list goes on and on- and NOTHING surprises me at this point in my life, as I have heard it all. The best part is that most of the time the bragger is full of shit. Part of their story might be true, but all in all its a complete fabrication of the reality. If the “brag” is true- you have to question why they feel the need to try and make others around them less? My mother and I actually made a game out of it to “count” the brags (silently, of course) when in the presence of a bragger. It’s very fun and makes you almost encourage the behavior. Oops…did I just admit that one?

Note to braggers reading this: We are not jealous of you, we are laughing at you. We like you as a person- and no matter how many things or stories you have- IT WILL NOT MAKE ME LIKE YOU MORE. Be yourself, it’s actually kinda worthwhile in and of itself.

It is not titles that honor men, but men that honor titles.

~Niccolo Machiavelli

SNL mocks it best with their series of skits and sometime digital shorts. I embrace this one by Andy Samberg. Love me some Samberg, as he couldn’t have expressed it better:

That is the end of my rant. Hope it gave you a laugh- or a nice reflection. If you have a funnier story than this- please read this again and pretend I am talking about you, as you are doing it again. 🙂

     

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dear air conditioner.

Dear Air Conditioner,

Please do not take this as a slight. Understand that I simply adore how you keep me cool when it is an unbearable 107 degrees in the summer. I appreciate the hum of the breeze blowing in my room to help me fall asleep at night. Most of all, I know you are there for my selfish needs- any day and any time.

That being said; I have no tolerance for how sick you have made me. I know it was you because I am more sick when I turn to you- and Google told me so:

Air-conditioner lung: A form of the sick building syndrome caused by organisms that contaminate humidifiers and the piping of air conditioner ducts. The air conditioner blows cold air containing spores of the organisms throughout the building.

The organisms responsible for air-conditioner lung are the same as cause farmer’s lung which is due to repeated inhalation of dust from hay. (The organisms are thermophilic actinomycetes).

The symptoms of air-conditioner lung include episodes of fever, chills, cough, and shortness of breath, typically occurring 4 to 8 hours after reexposure. Loss of appetite, nausea, and vomiting may also be present.

The diagnosis of air-conditioner fever is made based on a history of exposure to air conditioning and consistent clinical features, chest x-ray findings, and pulmonary function tests. Confirmation comes from laboratory results showing exposure to thermophilic actinomycetes and other organisms known to cause air-conditioner fever.

Treatment is avoidance of offending organism from the air conditioner. Symptoms usually subside within hours, although complete recovery may take weeks.

Repeated bouts of air-conditioner fever can result in pulmonary fibrosis with cough, fatigue, and weight loss and progression that sometimes requires hospitalization.

If I end up with this “pulmonary fibrosis,” I will not be pleased. In fact, I will be down-right pissed off. I have been seeing signs your ac is low on refrigerant and will make plans to fix that ASAP. I understand you didn’t know I was allergic to dust, but you didn’t have to make me so sick that I have not slept from coughing…all….night….long. If you need a new air conditioning replacement, then make sure to consider hiring professional contractors like air conditioning replacement st. augustine, fl who can provide expert services. If you are planning to have a dehumidifier in your home, check out here the benefits a whole home humidifier installation can bring to your home. And if you need a new air conditioning installation, make sure to hire professionals like air conditioning installation rochester ny. It is advised to seek ac repair services as soon as you notice mechanical issues with your ac unit to avoid costly damages. If you need air conditioning tips for summer, visit this website at https://www.cpiplumbing.com to learn more.

Thank goodness there is a breeze in the air tonight, so I won’t need you. However, I highly suggest that if you plan on continuing this relationship for the rest of the summer, and more summers to come, that you cut it out- now. I deserve to not feel like shit.

Please?

Warmest and sincerest regards,

*Katie.