‘Oh what a tangled web we weave/When first we practice to TikTok instead of sleep’
-Sir Walter Scott (the 2023 remix)
While unable to sleep the other evening, I got lost in the tangled web of TikTok cooking/recipe videos. It’s comical (or scary as fuck) how the audience targeting of the popular social media site can read your mind, not just your online and everyday activities. I relate it to how the lyrics of every Taylor Swift song know the exact feeling of every trauma, happiness, and mood you have ever been in throughout your entire life. Now, I don’t think Taylor has reporting and analytics programmed and calibrated inside her brilliant brain as she as writing these magical Nostradamus-esque ballads…HOWEVER, I do think she has an innate algorithm tapped directly into the human spirit. It’s genius and I feed off of it.
As my eyes gazed upon my Apple 14 Pro Max screen, I decided to take a much needed break from true-crime and cute otter videos to focus these twight hours into embracing the culinary stylings of chefs from all walks of life. Let’s do this.
I came across one particular video that inspired me. It involved boxed cake mix, an egg, confectionary sugar, and Cool Whip. Being a true creature of habit, I decided to take the idea and make it my own, doctoring the recipe to my own creation (which would obviously make it better).
Are they healthy? Fuck no. But I promise they won’t make you sad. Enjoy.
katie’s red velvet* orgasms
Ingredients
- any box of red velvet cake mix
- chocolate Jell-O pudding mix (in powder form, don’t make it)
- tablespoon of vanilla extract
- whole tub of Cool Whip (I used triple cream)
- 1 egg
- separate bowl of confectionary sugar
*please note that this recipe can be any flavor; simply swap the cake mix with the corresponding pudding. all other ingredients will remain.
Directions
- preheat oven to 350′
- mix ingredients 1-5
- butter a cookie sheet
- scoop dollop of batter and plop into separate bowl of confectionary sugar (#6)
- form into balls and make sure every inch is covered in the white powder
- place balls about 2″ from each other on the sheet
- cook for 11 minutes
- use an oven mitt– and remove tray from the oven (i note this particularly because i may or may not have burned my hand omitting this logical step when i attempted it)
- wait 1 minute and then, using a spatula, collect each cookie onto a cooling rack
- try not to eat all of them
